Clearing the cache before the election comes up

• Published date: 25 May 2023
• Publication title: Clutha Leader

A worthy gesture for sure, but why did the ceremony take place on May 4, two days before the actual coronation

The same reason why, out of 2200 guests invited to the occasion, only 15 Kiwis showed up. Charles and Camilla, or maybe the coronation planners they hired, had clearly not done their homework when settling on the date for their event.

I know it’s hard to believe, but of all the weekends they could have chosen to for the coronation, they happened to pick the opening weekend of the duck-shooting season!

It’s not that us southerners wouldn’t wish Charles and Camilla all the very best as our new monarchs but, when you are forced to choose between sitting for hours waiting for a couple of old ducks to appear, or enjoying time with your mates in the mai mai, it’s pretty obvious which one most of us would pick.

As it happens, there will be a coronation of sorts taking place in Clydevale in a couple of weeks, as members of the Clutha Valley Lions Club are about to ‘‘crown’’ their new president.

As the current vice-president I’ve got the inside running to have the privilege bestowed upon me.

Unlike the British monarchy, the role is not a hereditary one.

Which is just as well because, as far as I am aware, I am not the first-born offspring of Stephen the Second, the current president. I haven’t used DNA testing to confirm this assumption, but the fact that I am older than him gives me some degree of certainty.

Although I may be the favourite to ascend to the throne, an election is still required.

As the...