Could AI write this column?

• Published date: 27 May 2023
• Publication title: Mix, The

‘‘Lisa Scott, 75, is a well-known NZ author, columnist and stand-up comedian who has published several books including The furious longing of Boys, Let’s talk about Me and Hey, lady!’’

I totally need to write a book called Hey, lady!, but I’m guessing the algorithm looks for themes in my writing, so: anger, men and self-absorption.

Could ChatGPT write my column? I gave it a chance.

Instructed to write 800 words in the style of Lisa Scott’s ‘‘Tales from the Powder Room’’, the first results had me feeling pretty secure. It read like the work of an 8-year-old girl with marbles in her mouth and an American dictionary in her left hand.

Greetings fellow travelers on the twisted path of adulthood ... today we embark on a journey through the baffling realm of grown-up existence, where laughter and irony intertwine like an awkward dance.

Eesh.

I gave it some pointers. The next version was remarkably better. With tutoring, the algorithm had quickly matured to the level of a year 13 student with a little too much to prove.

Imagine this: You’re feverishly preparing for a sophisticated soiree, adorning yourself in your finest attire, when calamity strikes with a mischievous twinkle in its eye. Your shirt button, tired of its mundane buttoning duties, detaches itself, embarking on a rebellious solo adventure. Panic ensues. But fret not, for we’re here to embrace the glorious absurdities of adult life.

ChatGPT seems to live in an affluent New York suburb in the 1920s and be slightly inebriated.

‘‘Write satire,’’ I instructed. It clearly had no idea what satire was and just used the word ‘‘satire’’ repeatedly.

‘‘Write something ironic,’’ I commanded. It thought irony was rain on your wedding day.

I breathed a sigh of relief — this software wasn’t taking my job any time soon.

The powder room acts as our sanctuary, where battle-worn adults gather to swap tales of epic misadventures and seek refuge from the chaotic symphony of grown-up responsibilities. It’s a place where stories of culinary catastrophes, laundry escapades that morph white garments into vibrant tie-dye masterpieces, and DIY projects gone hilariously awry are met with a symphony of ironic chuckles and knowing glances.

In the face of life’s ironic twists, it’s crucial to relish the whimsy and find solace...